In the previous post, I spoke to the patient getting ready to go in and have what will likely be the start of many conversations with a provider about a new diagnosis. It can be difficult to stay focused during these conversations, so, if you can, bring someone with you. You want someone who can listen, ask questions, support you. Someone who can be your extra set of ears, maybe take notes.  Someone who can help you put the pieces of the puzzle together.

Whether you are going for a first appointment after the labs/scans, meeting with a specialist, entering treatment for the first time, or going in for an update, it is a good idea to take someone with you.  You come in present/focused, ready to deal, and then you get news that changes your world.  For cancer patients, it can be the moment you hear the word.  It is similar for patients learning they have HIV, MS, COPD, CHF, liver disease, or Parkinson’s.  Whether it is a chronic illness or the needs following a major event - an accident, a stroke, a heart attack, a brain aneurysm - your life is going to be impacted in ways you were not expecting.  In this time of uncertainty, having someone with you, as you navigate your care, is really important. 

How do you choose this person? For some it will be a partner, a child, a parent, a sibling, a friend, a church member, maybe a colleague. Your “person” is the one who accompanies you, with your best interest in mind.  They are your advocate, your confidante, your shoulder to lean on.  And if there is a group you turn to – they are your committee of support. 

What exactly are you asking them to do? You are asking them to come with you and help you remember what the doctors tell you and what are your next steps.  Or they may help you tell your family.  As the patient, I want to encourage you to reach out for support.  As the friend, I want to encourage you to ask the patient what they need and, if they don’t know, there are many things you can offer: visits, accompany to medical appointments, grocery shopping, meals, house cleaning, laundry, doing their hair or giving a shave, helping the children in the family get to activities.  People often say they would like to help, they just don't know what to do. Now you have some ideas…and there will be more to come. When others show up, it is not just helping, it is life-saving in ways that you cannot imagine.