“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

- The Serenity Prayer, Alcoholics Anonymous

This is a reminder that we have the ability to discern how we respond to change. Most of us experience automatic negative thoughts.  All or nothing thinking – perfection vs failure. Jumping to conclusions – making assumptions or predicting negative outcomes. Overgeneralizing – anticipating the “always.”   Personalizing – blaming ourselves for something that may not actually be in our control.   These are some of the ways our thoughts color how we see ourselves and our ability to do hard things, particularly when it comes to change.  

The more we can challenge these negative thoughts, consider other possibilities, other ways of thinking, the less we stay trapped in the negativity and learn instead how to respond to the unexpected.  

“When you come to the edge of all the light that you know and you are about to step off into the darkness, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen - you will either have something solid to land on or you will be taught how to fly.”                      Anonymous

We often think, when we are approaching a change, such as an illness, that there is only one way for us to feel whole again – to go back to “the way it was.”  But as my client experienced during COVID, we more often need to recognize that we are going to have to create something new in order to move forward. 

Perhaps you are learning you have an illness that will mean changing your lifestyle or not being able to do some of the things that you believe defines you.  Whether this is temporary, or chronic, or terminal, this is not an easy journey. But it is still your journey and you continue to be able to decide how you are going to move forward. 

Maybe you are the friend, “their person.” You don't have to have all the answers. Your presence is a brace for what is coming. What you offer is a willingness to allow the vulnerability that will come for both of you.

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow.”     

- Mary Ann Radmacher