In a previous blog, I talked about what questions you may want to ask your doctor. Here, I want to talk about how you develop a trusting relationship with your provider.

Starting a relationship with your provider, although the stakes are different, is much like starting any other relationship - you want to know if you can trust this person, will they listen to you, will they actually hear you, will they speak to you with respect, will they let you say what you need to say?  And you want your medical provider to give you information in a way that makes sense. 

Your previous experiences with medical care will influence this relationship. Have you had negative experiences with care due to racism, ageism, heterosexism, or poor communication from your provider?  Have there been gaps in your care due to coverage issues or simple lack of access to care, particularly primary care?  Many times, when people have not been able to see a doctor regularly, the idea of going into care, especially if you have a chronic or serious illness, can be overwhelming.

How are you with labs? Maybe the idea of getting blood work scares you. Do you need to know what tests and scans are next, and what exactly is involved? These are questions that you can, and should, put to your provider. Not everything, everywhere, all at once, but enough to feel you have a working relationship with your provider and you feel you have an understanding of how you are going to move forward. Developing trust with your provider is your responsibility as well as the provider’s.

Your health up to now, culture, previous experience, family experience, all come through the door with you when you come to your medical appointments. So what happens when you wait for the provider to answer the questions you don't actually ask? You leave your appointment feeling frustrated, angry, maybe worried because you don't know what's next. Providers have knowledge and understanding that you don't. Ask them to break down information that you do not understand.  Your provider is not a mind reader and not all providers have the same people skills.  Honor yourself and your provider in order to create the relationship you need to be consistent in your care.